I Desire You.

My deepest desire is to have Him walking right next to me.

I want to hear Him talking to me, 

I want to die so I can touch Your wounds and see your face, 

I want to kiss Your feet.

My deepest desire...I want to hug You.

I want to dilute in Your presence always.

But if time will make that day better when it come, then

I shall wait.

If Your presence will overwhelm me, then 

I will bring Your people with me.

If on that day I will talk too much, like I tend to do, then

I will read Your Word to enjoy the sweet sound of just Your voice.

Jesus, oh, Jesus. I can not wait to say thank-You. Thank You, Thank You,

glory to You.

I can not wait to see Your face, for my eyes to be blinded by Your delight. 

I desire You, I desire You.

Running with a Pen

I see traces everywhere.

With so much detail in the mark I fear self-control is out of reach.

I am caught in the middle.

I do not know where to start? Left, right, up, back, around the bend?

There are traces everywhere.

I see a young man on my left, I start there and tell myself.

"I follow his trace until I think I know enough get out of this track."

I wrote about his love and his heart break, that was good to make me turn right.

There are traces everywhere.

On my right I meet an elderly.

I follow her trace, write about her joys and her pains and her children and her visions, that was good to make me turn back.

I think I know enough to get out of this scribble.

On my way I am drown in a canvas.

I feel a bit of blue with a hint of greenish yellowish inside an almost red, that kind of red that says Paris. The bottom was flowing with shades of grey and purple sort of pinkish maybe even orange busting with light.

So I wrote that down, that was good to make me go around it before I get confused.

Around I find a stranger on a trace.

I ask him where he is going and he says he is following a trace out of the page.

The stranger was good enough for me not to write a thing.

Like me he leaves no traces just follows them.

Like me he runs with a pen that marks everywhere but the writers heart.

Like me he tells stories.

Loving what God gives

Loving What God gives...

‘There will always come a time when you are not doing what you love to do while you in a presence of someone else doing what you rather be doing and you would totally love to do but can’t. When we get to those places we must not try and stand out of the crowd and prove that you we can do it better because simply if we could we would be doing that right? I like to look at this time as a time of being molded, for a lack of better words. This time is where you give others a chance to love it too, prepare for your turn, find new love if you dare, perseverance and for God to speck new life. I will make an example out of myself.

I love writing, love it like its the only way I could ever see myself breathing purpose, I love drama too not to act per say but to direct, to write every line the exists the characters mouth and to enjoy watching paper and idea come to live on stage and lastly I love reciting: to stand and see people questioning and seeing things in a way they never thought before, to look into their eyes and challenge them, to connect with many as one (even the thought gives me goose bumbs and that beat is back in me again as I write this).

Of cause there are other things I love too like helping the church, missions, teaching children, taking pictures and meeting new people.

Others to love it too.

But what I love I am far from doing, I can write in my diary, I write on Facebook, I can updated my blog but that is just a pitch of salt because I have to sit and watch while many around get to do what I would love to do and I do an office job and study when I feel up for it and think the rest of the time I play the IWCG (If, Would and Could Game). Going from poetry and  drama lessons and directing a part of a big concert at the youth, to just writing in my diary for two, and still going strong, years has not (in the slightest) been easy. I do not know yet why God has put me here but I know two things for sure. One, that it is not in vine that I am doing what I am doing and secondly even thou I wish it was me I do enjoy watching others love it too. This lesson is not for the fate heartedJ

Preparing.

Honestly as much as I love all the thing I mentioned above I know I don’t write or act or direct half as good as I know I should and one day will. My poetry teacher, Zee, use to say our performance is as good as our last, so make the recite, entertain, capture hearts like its your last time, prepare and practice to expect the unexpected. And just the other day I had coffee with Leigh, I really good friend of mine, and she said that every job is a preparation of the next job. They both right in many ways than what I am trying to explain. At the moment it feels like am never going to leave this job, like I am not talented enough and that I would am a dreamer to love all those things, but as I said I am playing the IWCG. I know I will recite, direct and write but for now I need to plan out my performance, to write and study my poems. I need to write the play that will change the world.

Finding new love.

I wish I was taking about Mr Right but I am not, that will be for the next whatever I am doing thing. During this time of what feels like pre-death I have come to love many things I always thought I hated and never had enough patience for, like being around children. And a year in and I can stand the sight of kidsJ. I can now explore, try new things, be something else and not worry about what is expected of me because when people know what you good at, then that is what they will know you by, until 'better' comes strolling along. Point is when one door closes the other one opens. God does a lot of work during this time, not that he never works hard, but in this time your heart changes and in a way becomes a little bit more to what God wants it to be like. I know think about the things I love and ask myself: is this God given love? How can I use that to tell God how much I love Him? Is God’s heart in there too?

Perseverance

Just last week I told God how I had lost my dreams and that I lost focus. I have been waiting so long for something that I became impatient. Its hard waiting for something to come along but when 'whatever' comes  But I know one day I will find myself in a similar place but it will be different because God teaches me something for the road ahead. Perseverance.’

I wrote this piece in April and called it 'Love' but over time the handing had to change as all things do, to 'Loving what God gives.'. I wrote it with the intention of printing it and keeping it in my diary and hope that one day I will look back and encourage myself. But now that God has opened the door for me to do what I love doing (not writing, but I love that too), it feels right for me to share this, not to boost that God sometimes does let you do what you love or learned to love, which He does, but to encourage you as I hoped to encourage myself one day. Love.

Rise

The higher we

The bigger we grow.

Rise as the sun rises from the east

And shines after it rises.

If one person rises then one more can lift a chin.

If one can speak up then one more word can be heard

One more person learns to listen
there will be one less cry, one less burden to carry.

If one less person morns one more accepts,

One more appreciates.

Rise so you can see and be seen.

Rise so you can shine and may-be

A light that others might seek.

If one knows God and reflects the God in them

Then the rest shall follow.

If you rise than we will see the world in your through you.

So rise, arise, rise and shine.

If I make a beat you might dance.

If I smile you might laugh.

If I disagree you might fight,

But if I fall and you fall than...

Who will rise?

I wrote this poem more than 4 years back and I can't remember what I was thinking about but whatever it is I tried to capture as much as I could. Otherwise make what you feel.

why am Christian.

I mean I am weak and nothing with out Him, that am so desperate that I follow a man who should be dead, I am crazy enough to praise a God whom I can not see, I shout "I need love" to believe He rescued me. I say am Christian because deep inside I need a Father, a caregiver, a Creator. Nothing about me being a Christian makes me better than anyone but it makes me weaker than most to seek and dwell where it does not make sense.

Fruits of life

Child 

responsibility 

child 

live

dream 

dare 

child 

sprint 

joy 

jump 

child 

live live live 

child 

see God 

child 

harvest 

move 

child 

be,want,go,

far,near 

child 

seek 

wholeheartedly 

everything 

good 

child 

ask 

deep 

down 

all 

being 

child 

see God 

child 

you are 

child 

let 

enough 

reign 

riches 

child 

gold 

purple 

ring 

child 

apple 

tree 

grow.