Loving What God gives...
‘There will always come a time when you are not doing what you love to do while you in a presence of someone else doing what you rather be doing and you would totally love to do but can’t. When we get to those places we must not try and stand out of the crowd and prove that you we can do it better because simply if we could we would be doing that right? I like to look at this time as a time of being molded, for a lack of better words. This time is where you give others a chance to love it too, prepare for your turn, find new love if you dare, perseverance and for God to speck new life. I will make an example out of myself.
I love writing, love it like its the only way I could ever see myself breathing purpose, I love drama too not to act per say but to direct, to write every line the exists the characters mouth and to enjoy watching paper and idea come to live on stage and lastly I love reciting: to stand and see people questioning and seeing things in a way they never thought before, to look into their eyes and challenge them, to connect with many as one (even the thought gives me goose bumbs and that beat is back in me again as I write this).
Of cause there are other things I love too like helping the church, missions, teaching children, taking pictures and meeting new people.
Others to love it too.
But what I love I am far from doing, I can write in my diary, I write on Facebook, I can updated my blog but that is just a pitch of salt because I have to sit and watch while many around get to do what I would love to do and I do an office job and study when I feel up for it and think the rest of the time I play the IWCG (If, Would and Could Game). Going from poetry and drama lessons and directing a part of a big concert at the youth, to just writing in my diary for two, and still going strong, years has not (in the slightest) been easy. I do not know yet why God has put me here but I know two things for sure. One, that it is not in vine that I am doing what I am doing and secondly even thou I wish it was me I do enjoy watching others love it too. This lesson is not for the fate heartedJ
Preparing.
Honestly as much as I love all the thing I mentioned above I know I don’t write or act or direct half as good as I know I should and one day will. My poetry teacher, Zee, use to say our performance is as good as our last, so make the recite, entertain, capture hearts like its your last time, prepare and practice to expect the unexpected. And just the other day I had coffee with Leigh, I really good friend of mine, and she said that every job is a preparation of the next job. They both right in many ways than what I am trying to explain. At the moment it feels like am never going to leave this job, like I am not talented enough and that I would am a dreamer to love all those things, but as I said I am playing the IWCG. I know I will recite, direct and write but for now I need to plan out my performance, to write and study my poems. I need to write the play that will change the world.
Finding new love.
I wish I was taking about Mr Right but I am not, that will be for the next whatever I am doing thing. During this time of what feels like pre-death I have come to love many things I always thought I hated and never had enough patience for, like being around children. And a year in and I can stand the sight of kidsJ. I can now explore, try new things, be something else and not worry about what is expected of me because when people know what you good at, then that is what they will know you by, until 'better' comes strolling along. Point is when one door closes the other one opens. God does a lot of work during this time, not that he never works hard, but in this time your heart changes and in a way becomes a little bit more to what God wants it to be like. I know think about the things I love and ask myself: is this God given love? How can I use that to tell God how much I love Him? Is God’s heart in there too?
Perseverance
Just last week I told God how I had lost my dreams and that I lost focus. I have been waiting so long for something that I became impatient. Its hard waiting for something to come along but when 'whatever' comes But I know one day I will find myself in a similar place but it will be different because God teaches me something for the road ahead. Perseverance.’
I wrote this piece in April and called it 'Love' but over time the handing had to change as all things do, to 'Loving what God gives.'. I wrote it with the intention of printing it and keeping it in my diary and hope that one day I will look back and encourage myself. But now that God has opened the door for me to do what I love doing (not writing, but I love that too), it feels right for me to share this, not to boost that God sometimes does let you do what you love or learned to love, which He does, but to encourage you as I hoped to encourage myself one day. Love.
