Being a South
African black girl in her 20-ties and living in a white community but grew up
in a black community makes this question odd and old for me. I have had many of
my white friends ask me about lobola ( A tradition practiced in a black culture
where the bridegroom would pay the bride's parents either in a form of cows, land or nowadays
cash. But then the brides parents pay for the wedding.) and many of my black
friends would joke about how their parents still believe in the lobola
practice. I often, if not always, joke with them and go on about how silly the
thought of someone paying for you is not only illiberal and archaic for us (new
generation) but that under the line it is insulting. What if you get a poor husband, or a rich
husband who believes in saving or a husband who disagrees? What if your parents
ask for too little or nothing for you? How do they calculate how much you worth
and can they really stop you from getting married?
A white friend of
mine asked her black domestic worker about the lobola practice. Her worker
explained to my friend that the husband pays in cows and then turned the
question around: "How many cows did your husband pay for?". Everybody
knows only black people practice lobola. Right? Not this black lady. In short
my friend was caught off guard by the same question she asked a minute earlier
and got thrown to the lions. She took a moment to think and pounded at how
strange it is to be asked a question she has nothing to do with, a few more
split seconds of pondering, she calculated that her wedding ring is worth just
as much as her worker's lobolas' trade, maybe. So oppositely similar. The whole week she could not stop playing
that short, innocent scene in her mind. Some would call this a culture shock...
in your backyard (that for free).
What took her a week
took my the opinion I have been strongly preaching away. When a boy takes a girl to the movies he
pays, when a man marries a woman he buys a ring and gets down on his knees (in
white culture), and when men wants to get married he pays lobola (in black
culture). I would have never understood this since I pay for my own movies and
take myself out and see idylls of equal love.
It is not human to
think that sacrifice is necessary but sacrifice we do.
I think of Jesus
here. He loves us, He loved us all this time but He could not be with us
because of sin. So He sacrificed. He died for us than rather not be with us.
Like a perfect gentleman, He paid for the movie, He bought the ring, He went
down on His knees and He paid lobola and acted Father who paid for the wedding.
Lobola might be
"a black thing" just like wedding rings are considered "a white
thing" but at the end it’s the same, what matters in not how much you
worth but the sacrifice.
